Getting a Publishing Deal

Reader Logo by the Lone Ranger




Here's the third installment of our Writers' series using that classic writers' guide and wholly remarkable book, The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Packed with advice from poetry, how to pitch a book and dealing with the improbability of getting published this book has it all.

This week we punched in the search term, "Getting a Publishing deal" into the guide.

This is what we got...

Entry 002: Don't Bother

So we tried the term, "Chances of getting a publishing deal" and got this back ...

Entry 003: The Infinite Improbability Drive

The infinite improbability drive is a wonderful new method for sending out submissions without all that tedious  mucking about with rejections ...



So the infinite improbability drive allows all probabilities to be actualised. Since the guide advises " Don't Bother" to try to get a publishing deal,  it therefore follows that to bother a writer must use an infinite improbability drive to send out their submissions to agents and publishers. The logic being, that it is so ridiculously improbable to be accepted that a stamp just isn't going to do it; you have to bend the laws of physics so that every conceivable outcome is achieved: One of which will be a letter back with a contract for you to sign.

A warning though:  the guide does also say the following ...

1 Many publishers say they won't stand for this sort of thing because it debases the slushpile

2 It is important to dress accordingly when using the improbability drive 


So print out one submission instead of hundreds, get changed into your tuxedo, feed your submission into the improbability drive and make your acceptance speech at the Booker Prize ceremony. All before tea time. Sorted. But, er, watch out for sperm whales at the party afterwards ...



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