How to get a Publishing Deal #1

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by The Lone Ranger

"Just what you ordered sir?"

Mike hasn't given me anything to do until next year when he's sending me off to Covent Garden to give away some books. So I thought leading up to Christmas I'd have some fun.

So each week I'm going to give you a top tip to getting a publisher to give you that publishing deal you've been trying for since you first discovered you could knock a sentence together.

This week's tip:

Get a job serving in your publisher's favourite restaurant.

You should find this a picnic compared with navigating the slush pile on your chosen publisher's desk. Once employed get some money in tips from your publisher first - money always flows to the writer right? Then when you feel the time is right serve your manuscript with a side salad or fries and place in front of the publisher with a smile and a "Just what you ordered sir?"

A passing thought: Is a writer's carbon footprint larger than average? And is this due to all the books or all the submissions?

Photo Credit: Independentman


Stella said...

The Lone Ranger rides again!

I suppose you could also become someone's hair stylist or facialist, but that would involve gaining a whole new area of expertise.

Christine Vyrnon said...

My closest thing to this was when I waited on Robert Bly a few weeks back. I got weak in the knees but managed to talk about writing without forcing my own on him. Happy to find out he knows my writing prof from college. I have also often wait on super-nice owners of an advertising firm that told me to bring in a portfolio b/c they are always looking for writers. I have not followed through on that yet. I can't get myself to do copywriting. Go ahead, call me foolish...

Paul Burman said...

As long as the publisher doesn't respond in the same way as Mr Creosote. That might be off-putting for even the most resilient of writers.

The Lone Ranger said...

Isn't that for women folk Stella?

Christine: Wow - go for it!

Paul: Listen no-one sue me okay?


Do you have ANY IDEA how many people actually do this in Los Angeles??? I mean, they serve food with their script tucked under their arm...when I was in the biz I had someone (can't remember their name) give me their resume and first act at my kids birthday party. I sat next to Antonio Banderas a few months ago at the hair saloon and we both got our hair washed at the same time. Woo-hoo. I didn't even recognize him until he got up to leave..hahaha

Unknown said...

You have me thinking, LR, how much of a story could I fit in a fortune cookie?
And is it possible to write such sublime fortune-cookie prose that any right-thinking publisher would feel compelled to offer the unnamed fortune-writer a book contract?
More likely, I think one is either destined to be published or not.

The Lone Ranger said...

Kathleen - I thought your short under 500 stories were an achievment - if anyone can fit something onto the size of a fortune cookie note, it's you!

Lisa: For real? This LA is a strange and wonderful place. Silver and I are going to check it out. Tonto get me my riding spurs.